(Re)writing

I cannot count how many times I've gone over my manuscript. I mean, I could literally count the number of times, if I had recorded the number. But I didn't. So I can't.

At some point, I became sick and tired of reading it. In fact, as the first 30-50 pages are generally what agents want to see before they ask to see a full manuscript, I've spent an inordinate amount of time going over those, and over those, and over those. I guess the goal is to get the thing published, so I never have to read it again.

Not to say that the story doesn't excite me. It does. Every now and then, driving by myself, I'll go over the story in my mind and think, "Hey, that's pretty okay. Me like."

But I feel like the writing process is never done until someone takes the thing away from you. I could edit and edit and edit, because nothing will ever look quite right to me. That's why I have a hard time reading any of the stories I have in print. They are unchangeable. Every awkward phrasing has been tattooed to the page.

I've got some momentum, as I've reached the point where I just want to be a writer. Jobs are fine, but I want a career, and for better or worse I've picked a career that has very limited opportunity for success.

Here's hoping.