Reject

Getting a rejection letter is kind of a weird thing for me. In a way, it's somebody saying, "Hey, appreciate you sending me your stuff, but I can't sell this. Sorry." On a conscious level, I understand that this is a subjective business. Not everyone will like my stories. Some people might even hate them. So in a way the agent search is preparing me for that inevitability, that first negative review that will keep me up at night, wondering "Why didn't what's-his-name like my book? What is what's-his-name's problem? What is what's-his-name's name?" Each agent that says, "Not for me," is just an agent doing me a favor. If somebody's "just not that into" my book (ugh), then why would I want them as my mouthpiece, the salesperson responsible for getting me the best deal? I wouldn't.

That's on the conscious level.

Deeper than that, I'm thinking "That's it, I'm a talentless hack, I've wasted my time, so freaking much time it's unbelievable, and I'm not going to make it."

I know that this industry is hard in order to weed out the weak. Persistence is key, or so I've been told. And I've heard the inspiring stories, of famous authors that were rejected by every agent, every publisher, everyone in the known universe before their work finally broke into the mainstream. But am I really supposed to be inspired by that? Should I look forward to rejection?

Because that part isn't much fun.